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Two and a Half Men

Season 1

All seasons

Episodes

  1. S1 · E1 · 22 Sept 2003 · 23 min

    Pilot

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

  2. S1 · E2 · 29 Sept 2003 · 21 min

    Big Flappy Bastards

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

  3. S1 · E3 · 6 Oct 2003 · 21 min

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

  4. S1 · E4 · 13 Oct 2003 · 21 min

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

  5. S1 · E5 · 20 Oct 2003 · 19 min

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

  6. S1 · E6 · 27 Oct 2003 · 21 min

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

  7. S1 · E7 · 3 Nov 2003 · 21 min

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

  8. S1 · E8 · 10 Nov 2003 · 19 min

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  9. S1 · E9 · 17 Nov 2003 · 21 min

    Phase One, Complete

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

  10. S1 · E10 · 24 Nov 2003 · 21 min

    Merry Thanksgiving

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

  11. S1 · E11 · 15 Dec 2003 · 20 min

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

  12. S1 · E12 · 5 Jan 2004 · 21 min

    Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

  13. S1 · E13 · 12 Jan 2004 · 20 min

    Sarah Like Puny Alan

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

  14. S1 · E14 · 2 Feb 2004 · 21 min

    I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

  15. S1 · E15 · 9 Feb 2004 · 21 min

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

  16. S1 · E16 · 16 Feb 2004 · 21 min

    That Was Saliva, Alan

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

  17. S1 · E17 · 23 Feb 2004 · 20 min

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

  18. S1 · E18 · 1 Mar 2004 · 21 min

    An Old Flame With a New Wick

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

  19. S1 · E19 · 22 Mar 2004 · 19 min

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

  20. S1 · E20 · 19 Apr 2004 · 21 min

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

  21. S1 · E21 · 3 May 2004 · 21 min

    No Sniffing, No Wowing

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

  22. S1 · E22 · 10 May 2004 · 21 min

    My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

  23. S1 · E23 · 17 May 2004 · 21 min

    Just Like Buffalo

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

  24. S1 · E24 · 24 May 2004 · 21 min

    Can You Feel My Finger?

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

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